Grace, give yourself some

I find a calling in my life right now for deep rest. Often the world beyond my window feels full of sharp edges, loud noises and irritating demands. People are moving very quickly, their attention spans short, skimming the surface and then off to chase the next pretty shiny thing that has caught their eye.

I feel out of the loop, out of sync, off the beat, and very much on the outside of this fast paced, carefully put together cultural mainstream. I am overwhelmed by the frenetic energy within moments of being in it and most certainly am not up to the task of keeping up or fitting in.
I cannot find myself nor the value within it and it does not value where I am at currently, either. I'm not trying hard enough, not working long enough hours, I don't have the right wardrobe and I wear my very tender heart on my sleeve.
There is no place for my "feelings" they are far too messy and get in the way of being above such things in order to find my place in the status line. It's about other people's feelings, and then not too much... because let's face it, we might risk scratching the facade and then face the nasty fact that familiarity breeds contempt and who has time to clean up that kind of awkward mess?

No, I stopped asking myself what is wrong with me that I prefer solitude and began to celebrate the deep peace and joy of being in the moment of my own thoughts. Again and again of late I hear women asking themselves what happened to the social creatures they once were and express guilt for no longer saying yes to every social invitation rather choosing to stay in the comfort of their homes or spend a solitary day.

Preserving and guarding our energy, using discernment in how we spend ourselves, without guilt, is not just something we need to give ourselves permission to do, it's a gift we can give those who have real needs and requirements from us.  If you are feeling conservative with your time and not wanting to see people or fill your life with commitments, experiment with accepting where you are and how you are feeling rather than asking yourself what might be wrong? Explore what might unfold if you gave yourself permission to enjoy and relish  in your solitude and more pastoral undertakings.

We have a great many demands on our time and on our person. Reminding ourselves that we are all that we can be in each day and that it is enough creates a place in our own being that can be a powerful starting point to honoring our needs and recognizing what those needs are when we have lost our inner voice.
Allowing and permission give us room to breathe. They distance us from the pressures and the pressures, perceived or otherwise, are a key component in depleting our vitality. When we do not recognize the pressures we put on ourselves we are already well on the road to being frazzled.

We get to chose to participate in cultural distorted values of what we ought to be or we can define for ourselves what we value and want in this moment and have that be our guide to whether we are succeeding. Being authentic to our body and spirit, cherishing  our values means that others also receive the gift of our genuineness.

When we honor ourselves in this way, our asking for what we need does not include anger or defensiveness as there is no longer the need to feel guilty or resentful. There is only the personal accountability to ourselves and our needs so that we can bring all that we are to each moment, to what we endeavor and to each person we love.